Another One Rides the Bus
Or the train, actually. Join me for a ride on LA's new D line!
I feel pretty excited for the Los Angeles’ new trains. I hate cars, smog and traffic and love efficiency, speed and checking out people’s outfits, so the train makes a lot of sense for me. I love riding the subway in New York; you get to see the city and everybody in it. Despite this, I, like many, have Public Transportation Anxiety. In LA, riding the train or bus usually involves smelling something unpleasant, arriving half an hour late and eschewing the luxury of driving yourself in a quiet, comfy car. You might also get harassed and harangued. But, you don’t have to worry about parking, and with gas at $6 a gallon, I am actively seeking transportation alternatives.
Los Angeles will host the World Cup this year, and the Olympics in 2028. This imminent influx of Tourists Who Come From Places With Trains is the one- two punch LA needs to embarrass itself into a world- class transit system, replacing the absolute joke we’ve had for almost a century.
I won’t get too hairy about the *reasons* Los Angeles doesn’t have decent mass transit, but suffice to say, all the reasons are dumb. There’s been a car conspiracy in L.A. since the 1940s, and it’s kind of bullshit that the most accessible piece of history on this topic is Who Framed Rodger Rabbit.
I rode LA’s new train line, the first of several planned lines, to get more comfortable using public transit, and to share in a great sense of optimism for our city’s future. The city organized a Ride The D Festival. I’m sure that came from the same PR genius who made this:
Some transit enthusiasts organized a field trip, and I tagged along. We met at Union Station for the inaugural ride, cruised to the end of the line, and backtracked to all the new stops.
Climb aboard!
We begin on the Bus.
11: 24 I see my bus pass my stop from the other side of the street. It is early. I attempt to run across the street and am almost slaughtered by a landscaping truck. I scamper back across the street and use the crosswalk. My bus moves on, oblivious to my plight.
11:26 Google says another bus is coming in 2 minutes! Glee!
11:28 It is a TRAINING BUS! This is cute. There’s a Metro employee in a neon vest instructing a burgeoning bus driver. I smile and wave in a way that shows I know this is a Training Bus, supporting the transit hopeful. The employee smiles and waves back.
11:30 The group chat says they’re already at Union Station and there’s a pack of furries on the platform. Late members express an intention to hurry in order to see the furries.
11:41 The bus arrives. There is a bag taped over tap station to remind us: free rides today!
11:46 This bus smells like feet. I look up from writing this note and notice an influx of feet on this bus.
12:00 I get off at my stop. It’s a short walk to Union station; I pass persons snoozing al fresco and practicing their various enlightenment rituals1. I hop through Olvera Street, one of the oldest and most charming parts of downtown. This is where it all began! LA’s oldest building, El Pueblo De Los Angeles, is right here! I connect to a sense of history and J- walk to Union Station. No cars try to slaughter me.
12:05 I arrive at Union Station. Two topless men have already Reached Enlightenment2 (or not) and flail madly at the entrance. Once inside, a young man plays jazz at the public piano! He’s very good.
The train is supposed to leave at 12:30. I decide to use the bathroom because I do not have high hopes for bathrooms at these new train stops. Four of the ten stalls at Union Station are out of order. (Do you wish I’d stop writing about bathrooms on this blog? Too bad! Everybody $!#%! Get over yourselves!).
I will now introduce a new character, Friend Laura! Laura is really great. She makes games and blogs EVERY DAY. She also organized this outing.
12:12 Laura texts the group chat that the first train leaves at 12:15, not 12:30 like I thought! This means the train is leaving in JUST A FEW MINUTES!!
12:13 I call Laura and run like the wind through Union Station. She says they’re on platform “DB” which sounds like it could be “DD”, “BD,” or “BB”. I am beyond flustered.
“I just do not have the luck for this,” I huff, defeatedly, into the phone.
“The rest of the group is boarding now, but I’ll wait for you,” she says. She is a great friend.
“NO!!” I holler.
I fly down the steps and see the train, platform free of throngs. I see Laura in her green jacket, one foot on the train, one foot out. She is a blip two cars down.
I hear a “DING!” and leap through the nearest train doors.
The doors close behind me.
I may be the last person to board this train. I am in the car with the furries.
12:16 The furries are so excited. They’re jumping up and down, blue tails bobbing in the air. Everyone is cheering and smiling, happy to be part of Train History. We are happy to be packed like sardines into this moving miracle. This train is so fresh and clean! I politely nudge my way through two train cars and join my group.
12:20 Mission accomplished! I reach my group. We are a big one, one of the largest on this voyage, besides the furries. Every time the doors open, the crowd cheers. Every time a few more people squeeze on, the crowd cheers. This is the First D route of the Los Angeles Metro Train!! There are, however, ten stops to ride. The group cheering settles into excited chatter among insular groups.
12:22 The train stops MacArthur Park, and I am very impressed by the speed.
“It’s gonna beat car traffic by a good 20 minutes,” Laura says.
12:24 A man starts shouting enthusiastic train phrases. He is clearly trying to get the crowd cheering again. I am right next to him and I don’t know what he’s saying.
I ask Laura, “Is he with the city or just some guy?”
“Just some guy. Spreading infectious energy.”
There are a number of people who have taken it upon themselves to perform the Automated Duties of this train. One person stands in front of the doors and tells hopeful riders that the car is full. The Shouting Man informs us that there will be “festivities” at the end of the line.
“NOBODY GET OFF THE TRAIN!” he shouts ominously at the next stop. “ THESE ARE NOT NEW STATIONS!”
He succeeds in starting a chant of “Ride The D!” There are lots of these jokes happening today. The Metro’s free T- Shirts say “Ride The D”. Many people have chopped them into crop tops, making them extra suggestive. The joke is not old yet, but it will be by the end of the day.
12:28 The Shouting Man leaves to spread his infectious energy to another part of the train.
12:36 We arrive at the first new stop to smiling faces and stressed looking Metro employees. The first service dog, Muffy, climbs aboard. As the train pulls away, we wave to the people on the platform. It is very Disneyland.
I hear the Shouting Man seeking a rally elsewhere on the train. I’m starting to feel like this is a power play. Another rabble rouser changes the energy.
“GIMME A D!”
“D!” we shout.
“What’s that spell?”
“D!”
He got us! We laugh and cheer. This is what good chants are made of.
12: 43 We arrive at the final stop, Wilshire La/ Cienega, 28 minutes after departing from Union Station. I am extremely impressed. We pile off the train and feast our eyes on the pristine station.
I want to be wowed by this train station. But, sadly, the station has the same temporary, utilitarian design of most of Los Angeles’ public infrastructure. I can already see the glossy plastic tiles getting scratched up and picked off the walls, the rough cement becoming cracked and stained. I secretly wish some billionaires had given money to the train endeavor, instead of to the ridiculous expansion of the Beverly Hilton just a mile away. I assume they didn’t, because they would have their big fat names everywhere, and my very With It friends would have told me. I heard they were actively opposed to the trains, as trains spread riff raff around the city.
I wasn’t expecting another Union Station. But, I was expecting something that would look nice for longer than a few months. Still, the signage is clear, the platform is wide, and they at least attempted public art.
We ride the escalator and see the sky. Cheerful steel drums pipe from a breezy KCRW booth. I see a number of people with cookies the size of steering wheels and decide to pursue this freebie. I find the Cookie Man, who gleefully presses both a cookie and a flyer into my paws.
“This is a flyer for an autistic summer camp,” Laura says. She grins.
“This is the perfect audience.”
The group gathers on the sidewalk and wonders what there is to do in Beverly Hills. I reflect on the momentousness of this occasion, on how excited I am that maybe LA will become as accessible as New York, about how even our one highway (The 10) is pretty dumb, and how I hope this will inspire more people to ride the train, which would make it safer. The group agrees that public transit gets dicey after dark, but works pretty well during the day. Our interest is piqued for future Festivities, and we hop back on the D.
An escalator is already broken.
1:22 We board the train to Wilshire/ Fairfax.
1:25 We arrive at Wiltshire/ Fairfax. This is the big one, the belle of the ball, the star destination. This stop serves the Academy Museum, LACMA, the Peterson Automotive Museum, the La Brea Tar Pits, SAG-AFTRA, and, most importantly for me, Film Independent! Katz’s Deli is giving out free sandwiches! But you must wait in an enormous line. For a smaller line, you can get a popsicle with toppings on it! This seems like a pretty counter- intuitive way to eat a popsicle (in a paper tray with a fork), but we do it! This stop is RIGHT IN FRONT of the Academy Museum. 10/10 location. I hope this will cut tourist traffic by a lot.
2:08 The Wilshire/ Fairfax escalator is also out of order.
2:10 Waiting on the platforms for incoming trains, I feel a sense a community. It feels nice to be part of something bigger, of movement en masse. The majority of people look around my age, underemployed semi-youngsters with a thirst for change in the form of public infrastructure. Our bright eyes and beady smiles persist throughout the afternoon. Some check Reddit, excited to spot themselves in photos. Many videotape this momentous occasion. The Furries are completely committed, and I am pretty impressed. I hope they did not pee anywhere. I don’t think they did. This does not seem like part of the Furry Culture.
2:20 We spot our first Train Crazy! It is a man obliviously rapping along to the music in his headphones. Not too bad. We finally score a seat on the train. These trains have few seats to maximize capacity, so that feels like a boon.
The group splinters, and we begin our journeys home. I ride the D back to MacArthur Park, where I will catch another bus.
2:59 I arrive at MacArthur park. My train journey has ended, and I must now ride the bus once more. This train station, which is not new, smells like pee. In the absence of public bathrooms, a train station is asking for it. So is that incredibly porous concrete they use.
3:05 I board the bus. This is a nice bus driver. He says “hello” to everyone and seems to appreciate that I tried to help a man with a cane. He drives like a bat out of hell, and I am very impressed by his speed and tenacity. I am getting a bit motion sick, though. At one intersection, he starts the bus, then stops it for a mom and her three bouncing kids, who are all wearing Nickelodeon backpacks. I help a man in a wheelchair off the bus.
I feel differently riding this bus than I did on the Feet Bus. I took this adventure to get more comfortable with public transit. Public transportation is inherently uncomfortable. You’re not isolated in your car, cursing you fellow man for being an inconsiderate idiot, texting at the wheel or driving an obscenely large vehicle. You are physically sharing space with other people; breathing, sweaty, living people with feet, and breath, and biological needs. But this is also part of the thrill. You are one of the bodies and pairs of feet. You are breathing among them.
getting high.
(tweaking)